She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
