i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
this just has baby written all over it
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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