you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Still dying that you shit outside
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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