I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives