when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"