So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
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The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
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Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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