Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
