Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
