recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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