i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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