I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
