sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
