Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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