You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
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He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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