My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
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To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
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She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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