Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.