you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will