I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.