Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
