I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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