I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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