I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
