I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
