Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.