Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.