plz talk dirty to me
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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