alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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