it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.