i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize