i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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