my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You are the jesus of drinking
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.