i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I looked at my own cervix.
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Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
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oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too