Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
