Just mADE A PArabola og urine
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
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Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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