Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Bang-toberfest begins!!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
