I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Terrible idea I love it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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