Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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