While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
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High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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