Apparently you make a good broom.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize