I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
