Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
