am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
