did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
