I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
