So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
