U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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