she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
