listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
