no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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