My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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