theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
