I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
