I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
