Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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