So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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